How professional envy drove me to write fast
The story of How to Fall in Love
Sticking with this week’s theme of professional envy, today’s piece comes from Katherine Baldwin of the From Midlife with Love Substack. Envy doesn’t usually feel very positive, but I love how Katherine shares the way it lit a fire with her to write the book she’d always wanted to get out into the world!
Professional envy once got me so fired up that I wrote and published a book in five weeks.
It was 2017, I was 41, and I’d been working as a journalist since I was 25.
I’d done my 10,000 hours (the amount of time it takes to master a skill, according to author Malcolm Gladwell) and, like most journalists, I had a strong urge to write a book.
But I hadn’t got round to it.
I’d come close – I’d had an agent for a non-fiction book – but when the publishers rejected my proposal, I lost my mojo and went back to work.
At that time, one of my income-generating jobs was reviewing business and leadership books.
Some of them were well written; others were distinctly average. But they had one thing in common: they were all in print.
Reading these books, especially the mediocre ones, got me mad.
Envious. Impatient. Frustrated with myself.
Why hadn’t I published a book? What was holding me back?
Feeling rattled, I channelled an idea onto an A4 sheet of paper and then I wrote like the wind, my fingers flying across the keyboard. I hired an editor to set me deadlines and I met them, staying up late and falling out of bed and into my home office at dawn.
Five weeks later, the e-book of ‘How to Fall in Love’ hit Amazon’s digital shelves and a few weeks after that, the paperback came out.
Whoop! Whoop! I had harnessed my envy and turned it into action.
Seven years on, a little older, with less energy but more emotional maturity, I’m wondering if I can do it again, because now I want to publish a novel, which is a whole different feat.
Over the past years, I have coveted the life of Elizabeth Gilbert and marvelled at the writing of Delia Owens in ‘Where the Crawdads Sing.’
But top of my ‘envy list’ at this moment is Colleen Hoover.
When I first read that her book, ‘It Ends With Us’, features a woman who breaks the bonds of transgenerational trauma, it felt like my heart stopped for a few seconds.
Then, when I heard the book had been made into a movie with a blockbuster cast, despair washed over me momentarily.
This is what my novel is about – the novel I haven’t finished yet; the novel that hasn’t got a publishing deal; the novel I am struggling to make space for amidst all the other demands on my time; the novel I dream of seeing on the big screen.
My first thought was: ‘Colleen has done it. I might as well give up. There’s no room for me or my book.’
I repeat, this was my first thought – it’s automatic, rooted in my own childhood trauma, in a sense that there won’t be enough time or space for me, in the feeling that someone else has got my share.
Fortunately, I’ve been on an emotional and psychological healing journey over the last 20+ years and I’m now able to guide my second thought and my subsequent thoughts in a healthier direction, towards curiosity, empowerment and action.
I stopped panicking, picked up Colleen’s book, watched the movie and then went home and got on with my writing, trusting that there is enough space for us all and there will be space in the world for my book.
Katherine Baldwin is a relationships coach, wellbeing speaker, TEDx speaker, author of 'How to Fall in Love' and pre-published novelist. In her writing, speaking and coaching, Katherine shares her journey from self-harm to self-love and from dysfunctional relationships to a healthy marriage to inspire and empower others to transform their lives and relationships. She coaches one-to-one and hosts group courses and retreats, working primarily with single women who are looking for healthy love and a fulfilling life. She is a former international journalist for the news agency Reuters and her writing on mental health and relationships has been featured widely in the British media. Her Substack is 'From Midlife With Love.'
Thank you for sharing your story, Katherine! I’m looking forward to hearing news of the novel coming soon…
Has envy ever driven you to do more than you thought you were able to do?
Thank you for featuring my writing Katie, and the other pieces on this topic. I was working on my novel today, noticing the fear, noticing the perfectionism and doing my best to get past them!
I'm LOVING this series Katie, thanks for sharing!xx