2023 in review
2023 in review
Work, dating, income and more
My word of the year for 2023 was confidence. I wanted this year to be about settling in and getting comfortable and confident in my work and life. (You can read more about this choice here.)
I don’t think I will ever describe myself as being confident, but I think this year I got into the habit of acting confident - in most areas, at least - and for now, that’s good enough.
As I was contemplating writing this post, this quote from Georgia O’Keefe (shared by
) came up in my Instagram feed, and it feels like an accurate representation of what confidence has meant to me this year:
Home + kids
This was my best ever year when it came to parenting my kids. They have always been good company, but it feels though this year they’ve both just grown so much.
Being a single parent is hard in a lot of ways. These two have been through a lot (and continue to go through a lot in terms of their relationship with their dad). It’s hard not to worry about all the many and varied ways this has messed with their heads.
BUT I’ve already made peace with the fact that I’m going to need to pay for them to get therapy when they’re older. For now I’m enjoying them as they are - fun and silly, but also sensible, considerate and a pleasure to be around.
Travel
I finally went on my 40th birthday / 30 years of friendship trip to Mexico, with 2 of my favourite people - friends I made when I lived in Mexico City as a child. We had the absolute best time in the city and then at the beach. The trip of a lifetime, and one I’ll never forget.
My kids and I went back to Ireland with my parents, and stayed right on the coast in Kinsale. This town is lovely, and I would love to go back with my kids when they eat more than beige food, because there are some incredible looking restaurants (including multiple Michelin starred ones).
For some reason the top video of this turned out black, but if you click through you’ll see some of my highlights from the trip.
In the summer, my planned trip to Copenhagen and Sweden with friends was cancelled pretty last minute. I totally understood the reasons for it, but it was also an expensive cancellation, so our summer holiday ended up being a low key trip to a teeny AirBnb in Folkestone.
At first I was disappointed at the change of plans, but actually it turned out to be a wonderful holiday, and despite the expense (I couldn’t get my flights refunded), I think it was probably cheaper than the overseas trip would have been.
A note on money and travel, because I always see this kind of thing and say ‘how do they afford that!?’. Regular savings covered Ireland’s (Ryanair) flights, the cancelled flights to Copenhagen and and holiday clubs across the year. My flights to Mexico were covered by a voucher I had from a 2020 trip I didn’t take, and the accommodation was incredibly cheap thanks to my friend’s job. I also have prior savings (from a house sale after my divorce), which I used to cover any shortfall in spending. I am very grateful to have that, but clearly it is not sustainable!
Dating
I dated a lot (for me) this year, and for the most part, enjoyed it. But it is exhausting, and takes up a lot of time, and it didn’t really feel like I was getting anywhere. The people I met were lovely, but it didn’t feel like any of them were interested in commiting to someone on a long term basis - even if they said that’s what they were looking for.
These lines from Sangeeta Pillai in The Guardian really sum up how I was feeling:
Here’s the thing you need to know about single women in our 40s and 50s. We are not driven by our biological clock, settling for someone because we want babies. We don’t need a partner to do things with. We are happy going on holidays, going to the theatre, eating dinner, all by ourselves. We don’t need a man to “complete” us – we are complete in ourselves.
Most women my age have done a lot of painful and transformative inner work through therapy, body work or spirituality. We really know who we are and what we want. Most men I meet haven’t done that work. I’m talking about men in their 40s, 50s and 60s flopping around like 15-year-old boys.
I initially gave it up, thinking I would attempt to do more things in real life, but it turns out that I don’t have very much free time, and the time I do have, I would rather spend with friends or by myself. So, I didn’t do that, either.
I expect next year I’ll re-engage with this, but for now I’m quite happy with my own company and connecting more with friends.
Community
One of the things that I wanted to work on more this year was expanding my network. Some local friends and I went along to a networking event over the summer and… it’s not that it was terrible. The event was fine. But it was not at all how I want to network with people. I hate the ‘everyone standing in a room making small talk and swapping business cards’ model of networking.
So, we put our heads together and, along with another friend, came up with a local networking idea that involved small groups, focused conversation, and meaningful connection. We’ve had two meet ups so far, and it has been brilliant. The meetings have been really useful, we’ve already had two people start to collaborate in their work, and it’s just been nice to feel more connected to my local community.
This is something we have a lot of ideas for next year, so I’m excited to bring these to fruition.
Work-life balance
This is something I am constantly working on.
This summer I took on an in house placement, which included one day a week in the office. It was fantastic for lots of reasons. But it was a real reminder of why I do not work in-house full time (or even part-time, year-round).
Being a solo parent, my only space to myself during the week is the space I carve out for myself on my working days, and my Thursday afternoons. I can never just ‘pop to the supermarket’ on a Saturday morning or go for a walk on a random evening because it’s nice outside. Feeling like I 'had’ to be at my desk or in the office at certain times felt incredibly restricting to me after being in charge of my own time for most of the year.
That’s not to say I wouldn’t do it again - I almost certainly will, as the financial stability and interesting campaigns will keep me coming back. But I couldn’t do it year-round.
I briefly, this year, considered applying for a full-time job. I saw a role that would have been absolutely perfect for me pre-going self-employed.
If I had stayed in-house, maybe I would be marketing director or head of marketing by now (although maybe not, as I’d definitely lost the ambition to manage people and scale the ladder by the time I left). Salaries at that level are still laughably low, but higher than I make now, and I would have a lot more stability than I do now.
I would probably also have more ‘days off’. Right now, I work most days. From the ‘travel’ section above, it makes it sound as though I took loads of time off - I didn’t. I had one week for Mexico and one for Folkestone. I worked in Ireland and for the rest of the year, and had a total of about 13-15 days entirely off. Way less than I would get if I was an employee.
BUT I make that time for myself nearly every day. I go to the gym. I go for little walks at lunch. I finish at 3pm so that I can pick up the kids. This season, I’ve been able to go to the clarinet performance and the the winter song performance and Christmas lunch with my freelance pals and Christmas lunch with my local networking pals, etc. When I need a break, I take one. That is worth more to me than even doubling my salary would.
Up next - the clients and projects I worked on, as well as a finances and income breakdown. I’ve shared this after the paywall, but if you’re not a paid subscriber, you can always sign up for a free trial here: