3 Common Writing Hurdles

Hint: it’s usually a confidence thing

Today I have something different for you. Tawny Lara, AKA The Sober Sexpert, has written a piece for fellow authors about the hurdles that hold people back from their writing. But reading through them, all of these hurdles are things that hold people back from their marketing, too. So, whether you’re feeling stuck in your writing or your marketing, I hope Tawny’s tips will help you start to get unstuck!

Writing and researching a book about liquid courage [UK link] gave me a crash course on the nuances of insecurities. Learning how people, including myself, replaced liquid courage with intrinsic courage teaches me a lot about confidence. Now that I teach classes about publishing and publicity, I see the whole confidence thing come up repeatedly.

Countless pitches, ideas, press releases, and book proposals die before they’re given a chance to take a breath—all because the writer, for various reasons, just can’t take the next step of bringing their art into the world. For me, it was definitely a confidence thing. The insecurities that had me relying on booze to feel confident on dates are the same insecurities that prevented me from sharing my writing.

This piece highlights three hurdles that I see writers (and artists in general) struggle with. There are obviously more than three emotional hurdles involved in publishing or putting yourself out there. I know that for some people, it’s not about confidence, but rather socioeconomic factors or caretaking responsibilities or myriad other things I call Life Stuff. I also know that identifying—then jumping over—the following hurdles helped me find my voice as a writer. That’s when I found the confidence to write and send the damn pitch email.

Imposter Syndrome

There’s a wall in my office that holds all of my professional achievements: book, drink, card deck [UK link], and awards. There is also a sign that says, “You are not an imposter.” I don’t think feeling like a fraud ever fully goes away, especially if you challenge yourself to grow as a person, which, in turn, challenges your creativity.

Maybe you don’t consider yourself a “real” writer. Or maybe you’re confident in your work, but there’s a voice telling you that your pitch will probably get rejected anyway, so there’s no point in trying. I felt I didn’t belong in the NYC literary scene when I first moved here. I still feel like I’m not queer enough to be in certain LGBT spaces or accomplished enough to speak about certain subjects. But as Queen Shonda Rhimes said in a 2018 Allure interview, “If I got in the room then I belong in that room.” Putting yourself out there gets you into more rooms.

Rejection

Journalists are the easiest clients to work with in my book proposal coaching for one main reason: journalists are comfortable with rejection. We know that rejection is rarely personal so it doesn’t ruin our day when we hear “no” or have our emails ignored. Rejection is a muscle that can get stronger with more reps.

My writing on sober sex and dating has been (and still gets!) rejected. A lot. Dozens (and dozens!) of editors passed on my freelance writing and book proposal. In 2022, I pitched my idea for a sober dating column to countless editors, only to be met with rejection after rejection. That repeated rejection led me to start my own sober dating column right here on Substack as part of my book’s preorder campaign.

Consider rejection as a chance to hear feedback. Maybe you need to tweak your pitch or consider a different medium or understand your project better. But you’ll never know if you don’t put your work out there.

Perfectionism

“Let yourself write bad.” Ruth Danon

“You can’t edit a blank page.” Jodi Picoult

“Done is better than perfect.” - my husband

I think of these quotes often. As I explore other art forms like drink formulation and drawing, I tell myself this same advice. Let yourself draw bad. Let yourself formulate bad. And most importanly HAVE FUN. Perfectionism takes over when I’m not having fun. Now I notice the signs, then ask myself why I’m doing the thing in the first place. There’s a diference between caring about something, wanting to produce high quality vs perfectionism preventing you from getting started in the first place.

Also read this book [UK link]. The author helped me identify when my perfectionism pops up and actully feel empowered by putting that same energy elsewhere.

Thank you Tawny!

Tawny Lara has reported on the sober curious and non-alcoholic beverage industry since 2015. She is the author of Dry Humping: A Guide to Dating, Relating, and Hooking Up Without the Booze and co-author of The Sobriety Deck. She co-founded the non-alc botanical spirit (parentheses) and co-hosts the Recovery Rocks podcast. She teaches virtual courses about writing, publishing, media strategy, and DIY PR. Her monthly column, Behind the Pitch, takes readers behind the scenes of her media outreach with annotated screenshots of her pitches.

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PS: Office Hours Update for Paid Subscibers

I am away this Friday, so will be holding office hours on Thursday this week. If you have a marketing challenge or question you’d like to ask me, drop me a note and I’ll get back to you by Thursday afternoon.